What Marriage Really Is...

When explained to me what marriage was, I was always told it was something magical. It was like rainbows and butterflies all the time. But then I got married, thinking it was my fairytale. And don't get me wrong, it is a fairytale. But... the fairytale has it's hard times.

When you find your "one and only" you want to do everything you can for this person. You want to spend your whole life with them. You want to grow old together. But then you get married and life gets a little harder. You start to see differences in each other. There are more little arguments that pop up everyday. But why? Why are there hard times when marriage is supposed to be a wonderful dream? I personally feel that marriage a commitment. You and your spouse commit and love each other for eternity. You promise each other that you will work through the hard times and the good times. You will be side by side, always working together with one goal in mind. And think about it, you probably have never gotten along with someone perfectly before. So why would that perfect relationship start with your spouse? 

In the text, "Marriage and Family" by Lauer and Lauer, it says "... some people carry this to an extreme and expect marriage to fulfill all their basic needs They look to a mate for emotional support, romanic and sexual fulfillment, meeting their companionship needs, and so on. "You're everything" expectation, it is unrealistic and can lead to serious marital problems." I believe this statement is true. I have seen the effects of marriage on newlywed couples. They get married and everything is wonderful then a couple weeks later they are regretting their decision. They see that marriage isn't always perfect so they think they picked the wrong person to be with, so they want to end things. But really it's during those times of doubt that we need to talk with our spouse and see what they need to feel loved. We need to talk to each other and work through things. Remember, you promised each other that you would work through this thing called life, together!

After getting married you're in the newlywed stage and it's all great and you are able to talk through those hard times and overall, you have a good relationship with your spouse. But then... a child comes into the picture. And buckle-up, because that's when the real fun begins! Babies are so wonderful and a great edition to the family. But just a warning, research shows that after the birth of your first child your marital satisfaction will decrease. And after each child after that it will decline more and more. But it's ok because once the children start to move out of the house your marital satisfaction will begin to rise again!

When I heard the research behind those statements, I thought it was false! Children are supposed to bring great happiness into your life. But let's just take a minute and talk about why having children can be hard on a marriage. First of all, during pregnancy there are many things that are starting to happen which can cause stress on the relationship. But after the child is born there is more stress. Naturally the mother takes on more roles when the child is born- which adds to her daily things to do and can be very overwhelming. The father (who is normally the provider of the family) might feel some pressure with the extra expenses that have come up. He might feel he needs to work extra hours to earn more money. There is also the stronger bond between mother and child. With having the father away for most of the day, the child naturally bonds more with the mother. With the extra body in the house and especially during the first couple months. most of the attention will be on the child. So if the attention is on the child, the attention is not on the couple and their relationship. 

We can see how having a child can cause a lot of extra stress and complications. But how can we help that? During the pregnancy we can have the father more involved. The father should be present at the doctors appointments, and have them feel the baby move around. Put their hand on your stomach, tell them what it feels like. And after the baby is born, let him bond with the child. Let him have his time. It is easy to take on extra stress and you are probably going to be stressed out no matter what after a birth of a child. But you can do little things for each other to continue to show each other your love. Give words of encouragement and support each other. There will be difficult times but if you can continue to communicate and love each other there will be a whole new level of love for the relationship and the family you are creating together.

Marriage truly is a beautiful thing. It is the chance you have to be with your "one and only" forever. You get to ride the wonderful rollercoaster of life together. Even if there are ups and downs you'll be there for each other. Always communicate and let the other know how you feel. Love them always, and you will be loved in return. Creating a family is beautiful, especially when you have your forever right next to you!